apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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