Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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