I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
