somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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