Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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