Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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