Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
