I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just tell him i said nine months
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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