i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
