Michael Bay diarrhea
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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