To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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