the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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