so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your penis caused this!
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