Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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