please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
