Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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