roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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