hotel room ftw
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
