I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
