and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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