I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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