my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I could fuck to npr.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
