I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
