and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
3 2 1 whiskey
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
