Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
