I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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