so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
