i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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