I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
