24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
