I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
