omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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