I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
