I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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