This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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