She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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