i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
