Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We need to get me chipped asap
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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