If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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