he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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