I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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