I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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