You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
