Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
