Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
