i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
