Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
