If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
