He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
