is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
