i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
