Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
