Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
