he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
