what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it was like eating out sand paper
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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