I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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