So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize