Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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