if you like me you must not know who I am
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize