Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
