goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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