my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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