I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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