I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
