At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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