Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
