I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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