I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
sex in a hospital.. check
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
