one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
