I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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