Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
