you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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