I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
