So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
