i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
