Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
