i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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